Things You Can’t Prepare for as a New Mom

Becoming a new mom is a crazy journey, and our natural instinct is often to try and prepare for absolutely everything. Your entire life turns upside down, and believe me when I say nothing will ever be the same. But the reality is that there are some things you just can’t prepare for as a new mom because you (often) have never gone through something like this before. This blog is less a how-to and more just exploring what it means to become a mom for the first time. Here are just some things I noticed about motherhood that you can’t really prepare for.

You lose a bit of identity, and you have to find yourself

When you first become a mom, you’re fitting this entirely new person into your life, and this new person is monumentally important. On top of being so important, they’re completely reliant on you. You’re constantly feeding, changing diapers, and holding them.

Meanwhile, your hormones are crashing, and you feel different, both physically and mentally. It’s so easy to lose yourself, especially if you’re breastfeeding and your baby is completely reliant on you for their food, too.

This continues as they get older because you’re trying to adjust to this completely different lifestyle. Moms, especially, tend to take on a lot of the work of childcare, and they often need to be out of the workforce for longer (if they are working).

Meanwhile, you don’t have a lot of time, and you’re often putting things for yourself aside for childcare. This means it’s so easy to lose yourself and your identity, especially since that identity will forever shift once you’re a new mom.

Just remember that these things take time and prioritize yourself and your needs when you can.

You’re constantly worried (especially early on)

New mom anxiety is real! You might struggle with intrusive thoughts about bad things happening, like falling down the stairs while holding the baby. You might just be super paranoid about SIDS. Or simply, you struggled with anxiety before, and now, it’s been amplified.

But it’s more than that. Like I said, you now have this person who is so monumentally important that the thought of losing them is overwhelming. You will never not have someone to worry about ever again. Those worries might change as they get older, but many of them will stay the same.

Are they getting enough nutrition? Are they sick? How can you help them develop and be happy? And always, always, how can I keep them safe?

If you’re really finding yourself losing it, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed, and you want to make sure you have that proper support.

You lose your day-to-day autonomy

This is a big thing that I wasn’t ready for as a new mom. Your time and your life will never be completely yours again. The days of simply grabbing your wallet and just leaving the house are basically over. There will be days or times when you’ll have childcare, but you’ll still have to be back by a certain time or field calls about what’s happening with your child. Never again will you leave the house without a care as to when you’re getting home or what the different things you’d like to do are.

It goes beyond that too. Your time is no longer completely yours. I think the big difference between being busy when you’re child-free and being busy when you’re a parent is how much your time belongs to you. You might be busy as a childfree person, but you’re busy with the specific things you’re dedicating your time to. Not always. You might need to care for a parent, and you’ll obviously be working. But typically, your time belongs to you.

But when you’re a parent, you have to spend a big chunk of your time caring for someone else. You can’t simply take a yoga class when you want to or go to an event because it sounds interesting. You always have to factor in this other person at all times. Your time is no longer completely yours – a good chunk of it belongs to your kid.

You start to care less what other people think

This is a big positive to becoming a mother by the way. This isn’t always true in the sense that you might care, but you’re still going to do whatever you want or, more accurately, whatever you think is best for your child. Your mother-in-law might come over and judge your choices, but it’s still your kid, and you’re going to do what you think is necessary for them. It’s easier to not be swayed by other people’s opinions. You get practiced at not caring.

And generally, you should do what you think is best for your kid. I would highly recommend listening to your pediatrician and any other professional with training. But beyond that, you know your kid best, and you’re the one who needs to advocate for them. And you love your kid so much that you’re willing to take on that role, even if you’re not confrontational by nature.

Your body is forever changed

This is a hard pill to swallow for many new mothers, especially ones who are already comfortable with their bodies. There is no “getting your body back.” You might lose the baby weight, but your body is irrevocably changed. Personally, I had big, dark stretch marks that took a long time to start lightening. They’re still there, but they’re more skin colored now. Not to mention, your breasts are definitely going to change. I personally didn’t breastfeed, and they’re still bigger and saggier now. Just accept that your body is not the same, and that’s okay.

Your relationship with your partner will change

This is a big thing that many couples can’t prepare for. If you have a romantic partner in your life, your relationship will absolutely shift. This is for many reasons. One, you’re tag-teaming keeping this new thing alive (or at least, you should be tag-teaming). But you’re tired too, and this makes it harder to keep it together. You’re negotiating things you didn’t need to negotiate before. You’re recovering physically, which means no sex or maybe even no physical intimacy for a while.

Many women also discover that their romantic partner, who was great before, isn’t so great anymore. You can have an amazing husband who ends up stepping back when the baby is born because it’s just too hard, and they’re not prepared. Then, you’ll end up stepping up to make sure everything is cared for, and this can be overwhelming and exhausting. You shouldn’t need to accept this. If you’re struggling with division of labor, I would recommend Fair Play. You deserve an equal partner who is willing to properly take care of their new child.

I wish this blog was more helpful, but like I said, these are things you can’t properly prepare for when it comes to new parenthood. You have to tackle and adjust as these things come up. Talk to the other moms in your life. Take things one step at a time. You’ve definitely got this, but it’s important to stay flexible and ask for help if you need it.

Got thoughts? Drop them below!